Break ups are a fickle bitch, now I could go into a long rant about how being a millennial and trying to create a standardized relationship is so hard... but we have all read those cliche and silly posts and this is just not that time. At the beginning of this long and painful process that we call "going through a break up". It was quite honestly one of the scariest and hardest things I have encountered in a very long time. At the start I didn't want to leave my home, I didn't eat regularly, I cried to my friends and family, but then I started to think about what was going on. Like i said above, we call this "GOING THROUGH a break up". Meaning that this is just something I'm GOING THROUGH. We don't call it "dying in a break up" even though there were a lot of times that I felt like I could never be happy again. I had to keep repeating to myself that I would overcome this.
Which brings me to the meaning of this entire post. I truly believe that God gave me this break up as an opportunity to focus on one specific thing, myself. When we fall in love, like madly and deeply in love. Then we only know how to find that love when we are with that person. As humans (Baby Boomers, Millennials, Generation X... Yes we are all humans) we are not designed to be alone, but we still need to maintain the love we have for ourselves. If we give all of our love away then when something like "going through a break up" happens it will only prolong the entire process.
Social Media :
One piece of information that I obtained from being in a 4 year relationship and then abruptly going through a break up is that there are two completely different faces to a relationship. There is your physical and mental face that only your close friends and family see on a day to day basis. Then there is your social media face, IG Facebook or any other social media that I used to show the people following me how "perfect" our relationship is/was. Now don't get me wrong our life was lavish and amazing and I am the type of person to do crazy, spontaneous and sweet things. And in turn I felt the need to show the entire world that I was doing these things for her. Now that I have time to sit and think about every post I had made, maybe thats something I could have toned down. NO ONE cares about if you buy your girlfriend flowers and Starbucks and surprise her at work, the only two people who should care about an action like that would be the only two people involved. When we make these posts to "show off" to everyone following us, it defeats the entire purpose of doing that cute and sweet thing. Relationships are no longer sacred and private, we all try to compete with what we see. She would always come home and be like "did you see that cute thing that (so & so) did" which caused me to result in an action to subconsciously show (so&so) that we could do the same thing. We would put on this perfect social media face for everyone to see, but the immediate people around us could see through that. Our relationship was by far no where near to "perfect". But we tried to prove that to anyone and everyone else.
Every morning i have to wake up to Facebook telling me "You have memories with (ex)" ...its literally a relationship graveyard. I really do aspire to be one of those people that can give up their social media, but for some odd reason I can't find it in me to do that (yet). I strongly believe that some of the most true and honest relationships are the ones where we don't see constant posts about dates and surprises. That is something that I need to keep telling my self, and when and if I decide to wander into something new then I am going to make a promise to myself that I need to tone down exposing my relationship to the world.
Everyday is a new day filled with new opportunities, I live by one core value above anything else, and that is "POSITIVITY". Anyone who knows me understands that I try to make everyday as uplifting and positive as possible. Although some days have been extremely harder than others, I will never let anything negative creep into my life and change my outlook on life. Some days are going to be miserable, but there is ALWAYS something that is telling you it's going to get better.
I look at this entire break up as a new chapter in my life. It is overall one of the biggest learning experiences I have ever encountered. I truly believed that I was going to marry this girl, and this sadly was the year I was going to do it. Now I think about what if, what if I would have proposed how much harder this would have been. Or what if I would have been married and I was going through a divorce, and that is the silver lining. I use the positivity that surrounds me to see the brighter side of things. There is not a day, hour or minute that goes by where I don't think about her. I have learned that it's okay.
Comminication:
I believe that communication is one of the strongest and fulfilling attributes a person can obtain. Which is also what makes things so much harder. I used to wake up everyday and send a good morning text, it was something that I have always done. It shows that other person that your thinking of them. I sent those good morning texts for years, EVERYDAY! So when I had to stop doing that it's what really started to make me crumble. Through this break up we continued to communicate with each other, which may or may not have been the right desision. Yes I love to still talk to that person everyday, but in the long run is that going to benefit me? I'm not sure. We have recently started to not communicate at all, I still find myself drafting up book long texts in the middle of the night and then deleting them. I think that we can use more than our words to tell someone that we are thinking of them. I don't doubt that there is a single day that she's not thinking about me and vice versa. And for right now I think that's all we need.
The Long Story Short:
Some days will be hard, and even on the hardest days find that one thing that is in your heart that will make that bad day just a little bit better. I believe that through the power of family and friends and a positive outlook on everyday we can prevail past the deepest darkest days.