Don’t Dwell.

Basically, if you could send your current self into the past ten years ago to talk to your younger, acne infested, skater shoe wearing self. Imagine everything we would tell our younger self not to worry about, or how little that is going to impact your future. That little thing may have really put you into a dark or scary place but at the end of the day you will conquer it.

Now, imagine that your future self ten years from now reaches out to you and has the same conversation with you TODAY. Does everything that’s really going on need to bring you down or make a cause for worry. Focus on how you learned from the things that caused you pain or hurt in the past and how much you learned from them today.

Every pothole and speed bump was already destined for you, and they will continue to be apart of the road that is ahead. But the beautiful part is the road is yours, tread lightly and learn from what’s happened so you can better take on what’s ahead. 

Carry On - A Guide To Breakups And Negativity

Of course this would be my second structured post about break ups and silly relationship stuff. But, the first one was a year ago so this is more of an update... kind of like a “Where are they now” episode.

Breakups are a (enter depressing or sad description) (ie. stinky fart bubble, bad Rosanne tweet, sad YouTube video of soldiers coming home to their dogs.) (my examples were bad lol breakups are a bitch)  ...and that will probably never change. When I was first going through this experience that we call a “breakup” I remained as optimistic as I could. I took everything with a grain of salt. Emotionally you are in a state of disbelief which causes you to do a lot of things that could end up leading to regret or deniability. I was scared to venture out, everything has a memory attached to it. You’ll walk by street benches and be like “oh that’s where we did this”. Or. You’ll be driving and a song will come on and the imprint of something you two had experienced will flash in front of you. I started to learn that you shouldn’t back down from venturing out, because having these flashes are deliverered to you for a good reason. Which leads me to the title of this one; CARRY ON & how to see through negative situations to the positive outcome which they hold.

So fresh out of the gate of a breakup there is something I would recommend, a recipe if you will.

The FIRST steps of a bad breakup:

You will need (ingredients):

• 1 or 2 Best Friend(s)
• 1 Mommy/Momma/Mother/Mom/Perfect Women/Hero (or whatever else you call your mom)
• A Hobby
• Music that you secretly like but when it comes on during a shuffle you fit in with the group and scream “NEXT!” when you hear the intro
• A job or profession that allows you to sneak away and cry at least three times a day

Directions: 

1. Put all ingredients into an crock pot that you found on Amazon (that looked really cool in the picture and you made a promise that when you bought it you would use it “...all the time!” but you have only used it twice and both times the food was just, “eh”) on Medium heat for 3-6 weeks.

A Lesson Built Into Every Situatuon:

  I subconsciously started to raise a wall of emotion that I wasn’t exactly aware of, until now. Breakups are kind of inevitable, I mean when you engage in a relationship there are really only two outcomes, 1) You don’t break up, OR, 2) You break up. Lol, now I understand that’s a stretch there is a lot more that goes into than just those two outcomes.

I saw a meme the other day that I thought was kind of funny. And before I continue, why is it called a “meme”? Wtf does that mean and how did it get that name? Okay here’s the meme... (LOL, I understand it’s pronounced “MEEM”, but while I was writing this I was saying “ME-ME” in my head because that’s what it looks like).  

And now I just realized that it wasn’t even a meme at all it’s just a picture. So disregard everything about the meme above. Unless you know the answer to those questions.

The truth in this picture is a little deeper than you may think. I believe that it separates two branches on the same tree.

 I’ll explain... 

Super stretched analogy time. .. (hold on, and use your imagination) 

Now imagine a tree is a relationship, and I don’t exactly mean a loving relationship, I mean any relationship. Friends, family, lovers or dogs. Because we can never forget about dogs.  

Now imagine a fully bloomed and sprouted tree is that of a fully successful relationship. What does it take to get to that point.

• You have to start with a good foundation, meet someone with good intentions. 
• Make sure that before you engage in a relationship you make yourself and other(s) aware of what your intentions may be. 
• Communication = Water, the key to growth. Communication is the most important part to any relationship. Talk talk talk. 
• PLANT YOUR SEED ;) (puns)  
• The trunk of your tree needs to be strong and bold, this will represent the faith and honesty of your relationship and it needs to be strong to hold all of the adventures and memory’s your about to stack upon it. 
• A branch is exactly that, a new portion of your tree, a new adventure if you will. 
• A leaf is a memory attached to every branch.  

Now grow your trees , remember how important water is to your tree and take care and protect your trunk. And at all costs avoided the big bearded sweaty man with an axe, he’s a douche, literally. Avoid the douche he wants to cut your tree down and he doesn’t care about how many other trees he will knock down in the doing. He’s got a tiny axe anyway. 

Now I am a firm believer that deep within everything there is a lesson to learn. Negativity surrounds us everywhere we walk and within everything we do. I think it would be impossible to wake up and complete an entire day where we don’t encounter some type of negativity. And this has taught me to learn something that I wasn’t very good at in my younger years, sympathy. When you deal with someone who is angry, frustrated or mad it’s easy to avoid that person or try and separate your feelings from them. But I have learned as a best practice is to learn about what’s causing them to feel the way they do, sympathize that they might be going through something far more difficult then what we see on the outside which is portrayed as negativity. 

Look deep within yourself when your in these moments of sadness or anger, you could come off and elude negativity and I think we could all agree that this place we call home could be a little better if people weren’t so mad all the time.   

Mac Miller - 2018 

This was something that really struck home with me, a lot of different emotions surrounded me on the day I heard of his passing. I was actually a little late hearing about it because I was tied up at work. But I had received a call from my mom, and she’s simply asked “did you hear?” And I said “no... about what?”, “Mac Miller died, and I know how much you looked up to him and liked him, I’m sorry”. And I loved Mac Miller for many reasons, I wasn’t a fan of some of his newer music. But he was undoubtedly one of the most positive souls that was able to shed light for the short time he was here physically and his music and positive outlook will continue to shine on forever. He was one of those people that you could just tell that if you were able to spend an entire day with him he would be cool, he would be relaxed and as much like a normal person as you or I are. Who is your “Mac Miller?” who is the person that you wish you could spend a day with? 

“They’re gonna try to tell you no, shatter all your dreams. But you gotta get up, and go and think of better things.” - Mac Miller 

 How Long Should A Breakup Impact You:

This was a something that kind of stuck out within the last year. I was asked this question, or I asked someone this question when I was down, looking for a quick resolution or an answer to a question that isn’t even relevant to ask. I read an article that gave me this answer and I wasn’t pleased with the answer lol. It stated that for every year you were with your significant other it should only take you 2-3 months per year you had been together to “get over” them and it was quickly after I read this article where I found zero value to that answer. Trying to devalue the worth of your relationship is never a way to combat things. Which brings me back to what I was talking about before, memories are scattered all over and you’ll find yourself trying to avoid certain places or things and I challenge you to seek that discomfort and learn from it. 

You won’t laugh at the same punchline of a joke twice because you learn the punchline and when someone tells you the joke again you’re prepared. So learn about this place that your avoiding so that when it comes back to you, you know how to handle it. 

The Long Story Short: 

You’ll never be able to avoid negativity, it surrounds us. Learn on how to handle negative situations so that you can see, feel and hear the positive outcome. Even on the darkest days, the sun will find a way to shine through. Surround yourself with good people and good times. Always remain positive because the people around you could use your energy to feel better.

The Long Story Short 2: 

Dont be a bearded man with an axe.  

Thank you for allowing me to get these words out. This is my hobby in the recipe on how to handle a breakup. You are my outlet.   

B

How We As ‘Millennials’ Have Royally F’d Up! What We Call A Relationship.

Let me just start by saying that this is not directed towards anyone that I know personally, I know a lot of people that are the complete opposite of what I am about to say. This is just an opinion and observation of what I see, and of course past experiences. 

Love is such a sticky biscuit, when we find someone that we start to indulge in, we make the brave move to make things exclusive which then turns into what we call a relationship. If we can even call it that. I am a true fan of love and people that can truly have a relationship with one another. But, in this day in age... it’s sad and scary. We live in a soceity where a normal and real relationship is almost non-existent.

SOCIAL FUCKIN MEDIA— 

Facebook, Instagram, SnapChat (lol MySpace) or whatever platforms you are on are literally relationship killers. Like to the fullest extent of the word murder. It’s a look into the extravagant things in your own life and that alone, all day long you can post about your new fancy watchamacallit. 

“Look at this stuff, isn’t it neat, wouldn’t you think my collections complete” - Ariel

Blah blah is in a relationship with blah blah, (& blah blah like this).  

Can you believe that we use Facebook as a thing to verify someone else’s status? Something we say is, “Facebook Offical”. Meaning this person that we started dating is such a big part of my life that I need to make sure my 800 friends know about them and once it’s Facebook offical, it’s a real relationship. It’s flawed. 

Snapchat, the guy who designed Snapchat is brilliant. Don’t get me wrong I love Snapchat (rrredle 👈🏿) but the idea behind what it is. Is scary. While I was in my last relationship my significant other and I made the choice to delete the app all togther. We didn’t need for all of the possibilities of what could come from it. There is too much that can go on without there being some sort of proof, and that causes confusion and worry. You can have a full blown conversation with someone, and no one would ever know.  

Snapchats slogan should be:

“We know you’re in love, so let’s help ruin that, just make sure you snap it so everyone else can see”  

Its amazing that we live in a world where there first thing we do when we see something beautiful or do something fun, is to make sure everyone else knows about it. “Oh a pretty sunset” *Snap* ‘...My Story’.

Oh and before I get too far into this. I am one of these people that also does these things.

I know I have talked about this before, but... come on with the concert snaps. We have all been to a concert, and we have all heard that song on the radio. The last thing we need is a 45 minute Snapchat story of terrible quality music and Margret in the background yelling “where’s the bathroom?”.

Put your phone down, drink your beer and enjoy what you’re doing. Imagine how much fun a concert would have been back in the early days. 

Okay im getting off topic.  

I remember seeing and hearing about a girlfriend getting mad at a boyfriend because he had changed his profile picture to a picture of just him. As if it wasn’t HIS profile picture. I understand the reasoning behind having your significant other in pictures with you, but isn’t the entire reason behind a profile picture is that it’s a picture of just you lol? 

I still believe that the most successful relationship are the ones that are off of the grid, the people that can keep all of the surprises and success of their relationship off of social media. It amplifies the true love behind what you are trying to accomplish. What happens when you surprise send your girlfriend flowers, just because. She immediately takes a pictures, and in bright big letters says: “Oh my god he is so perf.” But what it actually says is “everyone look at how hard we are trying to show everyone that my boyfriend and I are cute, even though all my girlfriends think he is a d bag and Vanessa saw him making out with another girl last weekend, but it’s okay we’re going to act like everything is okay”.

Next time that a big surprise like this happens, try to keep it off of social media. The reason that he sent you flowers was because he wants you to get that little feeling in your stomach, and that feeling is for you and for you only. Nobody else needs to know.  

Temptation—

We live in a world filled with it, with temptation. It surrounds us on a second by second basis. It’s so easy to put yourself out there, compared to the past. If you find a man or a women attractive, it takes two seconds to let them know that. Now one thing that I dislike about our generation is that we give a groovy little name for small things that we do. Aside from “Facebook offical” another saying that I hate is, “sliding into DM’s”. WTF, who came up with that name. But the idea behind it can be an amazing tool to meet new people. Or, it can be a vehicle of destruction.  

We live in a world where guys don’t care if women are taken or in a relationship. If he finds her attractive it takes two seconds to send her a message. Now, I’m not saying that every girl who gets DMs is cheating like Tom Brady. But it’s brings up the question of temptation. I have seen some of the DMs in a girls phone before, and it’s literally mind blowing some of the things guys will say to try and get attention. 

A girl gets a DM while she’s dating someone, and at first she will shrug it off and it won’t mean anything, but then it happens again, and again. And the guys become more clever. The guys have better smiles and bigger abs. And as time continues and the DMs continue, subconsciously it can ruin you. Because it causes you to think and second guess yourself. If this guys is trying to talk to me than maybe I can do better than what I have now. That is the definition of  millennial  temptation.  

Have you ever seen a relationship from a far where THAT certain girl likes a picture of a guy, and the girlfriend goes into freak mode.

Girlfriend: “Why’s that bitch liking your picture?” 

Boyfriend:  “Babe, idk, she’s my friend” 

 Dating Apps—

Actually you know what, don’t even get me started and this waste of space on a phone. 

Avoiding Confrontation—

I think if there was one thing that we could work on as an entire group of people it would be, how to engage in a hard conversation. We struggle to seek out and have these difficult conversations that are usually needed to be had.

Now here we go back to another saying that we have a created. Get ready for it, this is a fun one, GHOSTED.  

How many people do you know where they’re in a situation; where towards the end of it, it gets extremely complicated. So instead of the situation concluding or getting resolved the situation just goes invisible and poof it’s magically gone.

Its these difficult conversations that can create love and genuine feeling. Have you ever had those conversations with someone where you can get everything off of your chest, and the person your talking to can do the same. It’s such a refreshing and true feeling. So why would we try and ghost that feeling, ghosting is only doing one thing, it’s causing confusion and hurt. If you have something to say, say it. Be blunt, be honest and real.  

The Long Story Short—  

We live in a world where there is so much to accomplish, our friends and family stand on a platform with us and will defend us until the end. The tools and things that we use everyday were created by people such as us. Everything begins with an idea, an idea of what it can become. So the next time you meet someone, use the same mentality. What can this become, and what can I do to make it so. Be real, be positive and don’t let that wall you have built up control what you do. There are good people out there. Take your eyes of your phone and live. 

I Think I Found My Soulmate.

It's heartbreaking that we have deluded what we think true love really is. 

I don't think it’s fair for people to self-proclaim themselves as something or anything for that matter; but I would like to think of myself as a defined "hopeless romantic". I believe in true love, I think it’s okay for a man to fall in love with a women so hard that he would rather spend his weekend watching Hocus Pocus and making cookies from scratch, than going out with the boys and waking up at noon. 

I honestly hate that we live in a world where the dating/single life trumps true love, our lives are designed around advertisements and falsified truth. We are always told that there is something better to have had, whether it’s something as simple as the new dessert item on the Olive Garden menu (OMG those bread sticks!) or something as complicated as a relationship. There is always a new 'thing' that’s coming out right around the corner and as terrifying as it sounds it subconsciously makes us second guess what we already have and love. 

"ohhh I want to dance with somebody, I want to feel the heat with somebody, yeah I want to dance with somebody, with somebody who loves me" 

If you're lucky, I believe that you will get to MEET the love of your life. You'll get to spend those waking moments with them, going to the grocery store and argue about what coffee creamer will taste better. You'll get to go to the furniture store and pick out a new couch that will bring your living room together. You'll get to create memories in the moment that you didn't think would impact your life so greatly. You will fall for this person where your days consist of this one person, you'll dream of what fortune you two can create together.

You'll see a movie trailer of some silly 'lovey dovey' movie and you'll look at each other and she will have the look in her eyes that screams "OMG, will you please go with me", because you're a man you'll laugh at her because there’s no way that you'd be caught in a movie theater by one of your friends seeing a movie called "Ocean Waves Never End". Secretly all you care about is sitting in a cold dark room watching a movie with that person. Not giving a care in the world to what movie is actually playing, she'll sit next to you and you will casually put your hand on her leg, and you'll feel at home and comfortable because you're somewhere with someone that you want to be with. Although it’s not the newest superhero movie that you wanted to see, its something that she wants, and as long as you’re with her doing something she wants to do, it's okay. The credits will roll, of course she will have tears in her eyes because the movie ends with a dog dying, on the way home you make a surprise stop, you tell her to wait in the car. You run inside TJ Maxx and find the softest and flufiest socks you can find. When you get home you tuck her into bed and play with her hair and find videos on YouTube of the actor dog that died in the movie. You tell her "babe, the dog is fine, he's an actor dog and he was just playing his part, he is alive and he still barks at every squirrel that he sees". 

"Some people can love you more in a year than others could love you in fifty; some people can teach you more within in a single day than others could teach you over the course of your lifetime." 

Sadly, this is the real world, and as beautiful as love is it will not conquer all. Sometimes you don't get to spend the rest of your life with 'the love of your life'. There is so much more to 'love' then just love itself. 

We live in a world filled with new opportunities and with new opportunities comes separation and difference. We are growing up every minute of every day. Sometimes the biggest most loving thing you can do is let each other go. Sometimes you can see that your aspirations have grown from that person. But the most beautiful part of growing away from the love of your life is that they were the one influence on your life that made you grow that way. They were the person that told you to go back to school, or they told you that you should become a chef, photographer or musician. 

"...not ending up with the love of your life does not disqualify their significance" 

Some people make an appearance in our life just at the right moment. They can only be in our life for months or even days, but they can make an impact that no one else ever has. They can sit and talk with you and just say a few words that might spark an entire idea that could change your life forever. Who are we to call those people anything but the 'love of our lives'. 

We don't meet anyone by accident, there is a plan somewhere for our paths to cross. Be grateful that you got to meet these people, the people in our life that made an impact on who we are. When it comes down to it, there is no such thing as a soulmate or a 'love of your life'. It was something created out of a fairytale and I'm sorry to say that this is the real world and things like that don't exist. But, do you know what does exist? True love. True and honest love, someone that you can be proud of. Someone that, no matter the circumstances, you will fight for. Stop soul searching and start meeting new people, I bet that there is someone out there in need of something you can offer. 

I bet you can make an impact on someone else's life. 

The long story short:

You're not always going to end up with the love of your life, and thats okay. Take pride in knowing that you've met them, you've learned with them and you've  grown with them. Because of that you are the person who've you become now and no one can ever change that. After all change takes time, and time is all it takes. 

To: The day I was supposed to propose.

Let me start this by saying; this is the hardest subject I have ever written about.

7/20/2017 -- Our 4 year anniversary and also the day I was going to propose.

Cold feet- 

To be truthful, this is the second time that I had set an actual date to propose. The first time I had everything planned and in my mind it would have been perfect. Weeks before that date I really had to sit down and ask myself if this is something I wanted to do, honestly I had gotten cold feet. I told myself that it was something I wanted to do but I wanted to make sure the timing was correct. One thing I constantly see with this day in age is younger people getting into something serious prematurely, and I wanted to be 100,000% confident in myself and our relationship that it was something I wanted to pursue. I view a marriage as a ONE TIME thing. Not that I would ever look down or judge a failed marriage, but I want to be married one time, I want to see my mom and dad dressed up watching the love come alive on such a beautiful day one time, I want to stand there in my tuxedo watching her walk down the aisle one time and I want to spend the 6 months prior to a wedding with one person. Eating pounds of food and cake, taking pictures and making invitations, picking out flowers and venues... I want that one time. 

"when you're a kid you assume your parents are soulmates. My kids are going to be right about that" - Pam Beesly

I gave myself a timeframe and on January 1st, 2017, during my new years kiss, I told God and myself that I was ready to make this commitment. It kind of felt like a movie, I remember holding her and staring into her eyes and everything moved into slow motion. I closed my eyes and leaned in and kissed her. I kissed her like I knew there was no doubt in my mind that this was it, there was no more searching I needed to do. I had crashed my boat on an island and she was the only other person on that island and I was okay with that.

Right girl wrong time? Wrong girl right time?-- 

With every day that surpasses I learn something new about myself and what I can truly accomplish alone. Being in a long term relatioship I had evolved into a person that only knew how to function with my other half. I lost the ability to be alone, and I believe that in order to truly be happy and in "love" you need to learn how to be on your own first. You will never be able to make someone else happy unless you yourself are in fact HAPPY. 

Step 1: Discover who YOU are

Step 2: Make YOUrself happy.  

Step 3: Find someone who brings out the best in YOU. (don't ever change yourself to benefit someone else, God made you who you are and NO ONE can ever change that) 

Step 4: Love YOUrself before giving love to anyone else. 

Step 5: ... Follow YOUr heart and tread lightly. 

Step 6: Be open, honest and committed. 

Thank you, for not letting me go through with this ---

Its honestly heart crunching to come to the realization that you can be with someone, every single day, for FOUR years! and never really know who they are. It wasn't until after our break up that I started to see her true colors, and for that I am thankful. I am thankful to have the past four years of my life as one long learning experience. I can now stand here proud and tall and stare down any obsticle that approaches me and say "there's nothing I can't handle, bring it on bitch!" (Well maybe I don't have to say bitch, but you get the point). I have fought this battle with myself, I have told myself countless times that whatever happens everything will get better. 

 "If the grass looks greener on the other side... stop staring, stop comparing, stop complaining and start watering the grass you're standing on." 

Do you have just have those super self emotional moments in your car?.... You know your driving down a road that you drive down all the time, but this one specific time you start noticing things you have never noticed before. You see a flower the has bloomed at the base of a speed limit sign, and of course your phone is on shuffle but that one song comes on that no matter how hard you try you have to turn it up so loud that your doors start to rumble. You look at yourself in the rear view mirror and you think to yourself "either I have been bitten by a radioactive spider and my spidey senses are kicking in... or I feel like my heart is going to explode with this silly feeling pulsing through my body".  

In these moments in time you can really reflect on your innerself, you can literally stare at yourself in a mirror and have a full blown conversation with YOURSELF with just a quick glance and I think that is just quite amazing.  

 "So starting today
I'm breaking out of this cage
I'm standing up, I'mma face my demons
I'm manning up, I'mma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now." -Eminem

The 1----

I wake up this morning (and every morning) with a smile on my face, a healthy body and a view of everyday with nothing but the intent to create happiness. It's kind of crazy how the movies and books are almost always right, and I mean that by: "When you find the one, you'll know". I think that when you truly find that person that you're going to spend the rest of your life with that you'll know. It won't be something that your friends will tell you, it won't be a conversation that you'll have with your mom during a family gathering.

You will know, you'll wake up one morning and while your getting ready for work you'll see their toothbrush on the bathroom sink. You will look at their toothbrush and deep down in your heart and mind you will say to yourself "Good morning bro, (I call myself bro) I know this may sound silly, but I love seeing her toothbrush there. It, in some odd way, makes me feel complete. I could wake up every morning for the rest of my life and, even if I don't see her for the entire day, as long as I can see her toothbrush sitting on the counter I feel complete". Now I know this analogy may be a stretch! and it probably doesn't make any sense. But, it's something that I felt. 

The long story short---- 

Falling in love really isn't that hard, find out who you are and fall in love with yourself first. Discover what you can accomplish alone, and then take all the learning experiences and love you have for yourself and search for that ONE person that compliments every positive, negative, insecurity and imperfection that you have. 

The long story short 2----- 

Clean your bathroom, spend some quality time emptying out the trash, wipe down the toilet and sink, get out the Windex and clean your mirror. Position your toothpaste and toothbrush right where you left it from the day before and who knows, maybe one day you'll wake up to two toothbrushes.